Land dynamics:
I chose to birth in a birth center. Prior to this, I’ve had a birth center birth and a home birth. The center we chose was beautiful and the care exceptional.
But Mordecai’s spirit absolutely would not progress while we were on that land. I labored at the center for several hours with no progress, so my midwives had to release the room from our occupancy. Labor wasn’t really stalled; it just wasn’t progressing quickly and there were three labors happening at the same time. We ended up getting a hotel for the night because we live about an hour away from the center and didn’t want to risk the possibility of labor progressing faster than we could support. We stayed at the hotel for three hours and when contractions started up again, we drove a short distance to the center in hopes of having this big baby boy.
When I arrived, I learned I had progressed more off the birth center land than I did while on the land. When I arrived back at the center, I was between a 5-6 which was marginal movement forward from a 3.5, but forward none the less.
Hours went by and by this time, the midwives were calling my consciousness to attention so my eyes would focus and not roll back from the intensity of the physical labor. It was around this point that I reached my threshold and knew I needed more care than they could offer at the birth center. I needed fast relief and a good rest from each wave. I was beyond exhausted.
One thing is for sure about birth, it’s physically challenging, emotionally exhausting, and spiritually engaging.
I felt myself in two different timelines. The present and the past. The now and the then.
I had asked the Lord to allow me to receive my son in JOY rather than in resentment. With my first-born son, I emotionally abandoned him when the pain was too intense to handle, which I know left wounds on his spirit. Yeshua has taken care of that, and I no longer feel guilt, but I asked Yeshua for redemption of that kind of abandonment during this birth. For this birth, and for every birth prior.
Receiving my son, without disassociating because of pain was one of my top priorities for this birth. By this point, it wasn’t looking as if redemption was here. Only abandonment during long hours of intense birth pain with no end near.
But the spirit of Wisdom was near.
Wisdom speaks to our spirit in ways our spirit can understand even though our soul might not.
Wisdom said to me, “There’s provision for you, but it’s not here.”
I then told my midwife I need to go to the hospital.
Four times. The last time I was firm.
I knew my body and how it CAN progress rather efficiently. I did it with my daughter’s birth. This was different. This time I knew I needed to budget my energy to get to completion AND allow for pushing life forward.
When we are depleted on the battlefield, I’m learning to train myself to seek the unknown provisions that are stored up for me. As heirs of the Most High, these provisions are ready and waiting, we just have to ask and be willing to lay aside our ideas of what that provision looks like.
This is where humility without shame brings healing.
I understand the idea of redemption, but I’m not the One who orchestrates redemption based on my human knowledge and personal will power. My idealism falls short of piercing through the multifaceted, multi-realm, multi-timeline reality that Yeshua’s redemption brings into our lives in a transcendent way.
My spirit partnered with Yeshua by working together in my first-born son’s timeline while simultaneously bringing goodness, mercy, and joy to my third born – second son’s timeline.
Redemption weaves a beautiful multifaceted tapestry. The more I look at the tapestry, the more I see the interdimensional details that Yeshua has masterfully woven together… for my benefit.
After arriving at the hospital, everything was clockwork. I received an epidural and fell into a deep sleep. I woke up to being myself – mentally engaged and focused… I was able to hold conversation and even make dry humored banter with my nurses (joy is strength). I felt a shift in dynamics, and my entire being was resting in peace.
I pushed forward my blue-headed baby boy and was grounded so deeply in the joy and peace that my laboring was over, I didn’t notice the birth team counting.
10 seconds.
20 seconds.
30 seconds.
40 seconds… The NICU team had already been called in because of prior signs of fetal distress.
Reality set in and my baby needed to breathe.
I firmly whispered, “Mordecai’s spirit, I speak life over you in the Name of Jesus.”
That moment, cries of life released into the room and there was a tangible peace that entered into the birthing space. Russell cut his cord – which physically and spiritually cut off generational agreements in several realms in the sense of the father acting as priest over the family line. Cord cutting is the act of cutting off the flow of one thing to another – be it physical or spiritual. In this case, it happened to be both.
Off to the NICU team Mordecai went.
The NICU team means business. Their synergy and synchronism while in the delivery room is incredible to watch. The fluid trapped in Mordecai’s lungs and stomach was pulled out with fancy machines, levels of oxygen and glucose were checked and increasing. He had life. I knew it because I verbally spoke life over him and his spirit partnered with his body to respond.
Mordecai still had to go to the NICU but there’s even redemption there because the word of the Lord says, “anywhere your foot treads is yours.” I walked into the NICU after speaking life over my baby and realize now that I carried that with me into the NICU to bless those babies who may not have people with the grace to speak life into hopeless and deathly situations, speaking life over them. That was NEVER on my radar… but it was on God’s.
We are at a crossroads in the history of the Church. As the Bride of Christ, through our blood covenant with Yeshua, we can pull Heaven down into the situations that seem unredeemed, unsavory, and utterly painful. Sometimes that pain is pointing us into the next phase of redemption. I’m seeing that redemption unfold in ways I had never even considered or imagined. But I’m recognizing where the spirit of the Lord leads. Even if it’s into a hospital where I have never given birth, even if it’s with my son going to NICU after an overall textbook pregnancy. Even if it’s to show me that the spoken word over my children will bear much fruit… these are treasures that I had no idea were on the table for me, but I’m savoring and still unpacking all the treasure that was afforded to me during this birth. I’m just glad I had the common sense to pivot from my idealism and tap into the provision God had for me. His treasures of redemption are way better and way more detailed than I could have ever imagined.
“Your blessing is in family
You take pleasure in your people
I hear a cry from heaven
Singing you will bear much fruit” – Generations/ The Blessing by Colton May of WorshipMob https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwR_YdKcqm0&t=9s
This is so beautiful 😭😭😭❤️
What a beautiful story